On Thursday the 3rd of April I woke up restless and cranky.
Even though I was only 3 days past my due date I was getting unbelievably
impatient.
I asked Michel whether he would ask his father to come pick up Simon; it would
be nice for Simon to spend a day with his grandpa... and who knows what might
happen today?
I'd had little sleep that night, so I went back to bed until around noon.
Michel made us a scrumptious omelette for lunch and I thought back to Amber's
day of birth when Michel also made us a delicious lunch.
We hung around until it was time to pick up Amber from school. By then
I had decided that I wanted to go somewhere, so we went to a restaurant in Hilversum
. I had a large
orange juice, Michel coffee and we both had a piece of apple pie. Amber had an
ice-cream. It was a very special moment, just us with our eldest child; that
usually never happens. It brought back many happy memories of when we still
lived in Hilversum
with just Amber. It also made me realise how lucky I was to be on the brink of
having my third child.
We left the restaurant and went shopping for dinner at the supermarket where
we used to shop. Another trip down memory lane. We decided on soup, salad and
bread for dinner.
We arrived back home at around 5.30 pm. I got out of the car and waved to my
neighbour. Through the window he enquired with whether there was anything
happening yet. He did this everyday and I sighed a little. I shrugged and shook
my head.
At that moment my waters broke.
Without letting my neighbour know I hurried inside and went to the toilet
straightaway. Michel and Amber followed me, but were still unaware of what just
happened.
Once I pulled my pants down I started to sob. The amniotic fluid was positively
green... the baby had pooped. No homebirth for me! I was very disappointed.
At this point Michel and Amber realised what was going on too. I showed Amber
my green undies. She thought it was yucky. Until this moment I had kept a tiny
option open for Amber to be present at the birth if the circumstances were
right. Seeing her reaction I knew this wouldn't be a good idea and impossible
anyway since we would be going to the hospital.
Michel started getting busy right away. He phoned the obstetrician, she
would come immediately. He also phoned the mother of Amber's friend... she
would be picking her up. I was so happy that Simon was already at opa's!
Of course we hadn't prepared a bag yet, so Michel started packing. Meanwhile I
was trying to stop dripping everywhere.
The obstetrician came. She had a look. Yes, it was very green and I was 3cms
dilated. We had to go to the hospital right away. Unfortunately, she wouldn't
be present at the birth, since I was now considered a 'medical' case. Another
bummer, but I was able to accept it as a fact... I knew there was nothing I
could do about it.
We kissed Amber goodbye and we got in the car... back to Hilversum
we went!
I was going to give birth in the same hospital where Michel and I first lived
together (1997) and where we both had had jobs. I had worked there for nine
years. It felt as if we were about to close a circle.
We were excited and had a good 20-minute ride. I had three mild contractions in
the car and one in the car park. We walked to the appropriate wing on the
second floor; we knew the way. It was 6.30 pm when we arrived there.
We were welcomed by the obstetrician that would help us with the birth. She
was young and kind. She said her shift would end at 11 pm. I hoped the baby would have arrived by then, because I didn't want someone else taking over half way.
We were shown into our room which was light and spacious. It was also warm, so
I took of my jumper. It felt a bit weird being in that room, I knew I would
deliver the baby right there on that bed. Such a different feeling from being
at home where you're so free to do whatever you want.
I was put on the bed and two belts were strapped around my belly to monitor
the baby's heart and the contractions. I felt so unfree! I wanted to move
around and not lay helplessly on my back. The obstetrician didn't really seem
to understand this, but she told me that I had to stay like this for at least
half an hour and then I would be allowed to walk around. The contractions were
still easy to deal with, they came around every 5 minutes.
Michel went to get a sandwich. Of course we hadn't had dinner. He brought me
a magazine which I tried to read, but I couldn't concentrate much.
I was distracted by the heartbeat of the baby. It sounded so loud and it made
me wonder whether it was alright. The obstetrician turned the sound down.
At 7.30 pm she finally unstrapped the belts... I was free! The obstetrician
and nurse said that they were going to have something to eat, but that we could
buzz them if we needed them.
I wanted to go to the toilet. With my other two births that was a favourite
spot of mine to tackle the contractions. Once I sat down there the contractions
got a lot more serious. I had to vomit (hello, omelette and apple pie!) and I
knew this was a sign that things were moving fast. I told Michel to buzz. The
nurse came and pulled me from the toilet. I wanted to brush my teeth, but she
told me to leave it (I still quickly did!). She moved me along to the bed even
though I was in the middle of a contraction.
They started to get everything ready. In between two contractions the
obstetrician checked how far dilated I was: 8 cms. The contractions had gotten
painful: I was very focused. I was shaking a lot; I couldn't stop it, it was
all the adrenaline going through my body. I was proud my breathing went so
well. I felt it coming from deep inside, once again proof to me how natural
this experience was.
The baby was about to come out now. Michel changed places with the nurse.
She held my hand now, while Michel prepared himself to pull the baby out (from
the turning of the shoulders). He had done the same with the other two
children.
They told me that with the next contraction I had to pull up both legs with
my hands and push. This didn't seem possible to me and when the contraction
came it was indeed impossible to lift my legs even a centimetre. However, at
that moment the situation changed. The baby came out too quickly. The nurse
became very stern with me and she told me breath, breath, breath. She told me
it was the only way for the obstetrician to keep things undamaged 'down there'.
From that moment I concentrated merely on the nurse's left eye. She was wearing
glasses and I was staring into her eye as I was breathing all contractions
away. I knew it was necessary, but it felt unnatural. The pressure was so
enormous, but I breathed as if my life depended on it. The nurse said I was
doing very well. Without any pushing I felt the baby slide down and then he
came out.
Michel said it was boy. Hadn't we suspected it all along?
It was 8.18 pm. I had definitely made it before 11 pm!
They placed him on my chest. He was so beautiful and clean! And he was
crying so pitifully. He was Linus Hugo.
The placenta had to come out. The obstetrician told me to push. It was
strange pushing without contractions. It came out very easily. She showed it to
us... amazing seeing that baby room! Michel cut the umbilical cord. Such a
momentous moment, cut off from me... you're on your own now, little one!
Linus was placed at my breast. It took him quite a while to latch on (longer
than with Amber and Simon), but finally he did and not long after that I heard
the first gulps of milk going through his throat. To be able to feed and sooth
my child in such an easy way is still a miracle to me.
I needed stitches. It hurt very much, but looking at my beautiful baby
helped me through it.
Michel and the obstetrician did all the necessary tests. The score was
excellent. Michel bathed Linus to get the last of the green muck off him. I
looked on admiringly while he dressed him. He did it so calmly and relaxed. He
held Linus for a while and then gave him to me.
Michel started phoning family and friends. Everybody was happy, but still a
little unsure about the name. Well, he was Linus anyway!
I wanted to go home, but we had to stay two hours after the birth for
observation. But I was allowed to shower, which was lovely. After I'd put on my
clothes I started packing our bag, but the nurse pushed me in a wheelchair. I
had to wait until we were ready to go and then Michel pushed us towards the
exit. I was holding Linus in his maxi cosi in my lap. I was giggling the whole
way, I thought it was such a funny picture.
Michel went and got the car and we put everything in it. Linus went into the
back. I really wanted to stay with him, but I also wanted to sit next to
Michel. As a compromise I held Linus' hand the whole way. I couldn't see him,
since he was facing the other way, but I was certain that he was awake the
whole journey. He held on to my finger so tightly! I was completely happy. We
were both elated; we joked and laughed the whole way.
It was wonderful to bring Linus into our house. We sat and stared at him for
a while. It was 11 pm. We had a cup of tea. Michel kept saying that it was as
if I'd merely done the dishes instead of giving birth. I was totally awake, I
could have done anything at that moment, but Michel wanted to sleep. It was
strange that the other children weren't in the house, but it was very special
to spend that first night with just the three of us in our attic room.
This was six weeks ago. Not long, but Linus has already found his own unique
place in our family.
He's gorgeous and adorable and the five of us are really so happy together!
