Becoming a mother has been a life-changing experience for me. It has made me a stronger, less selfish and a much happier person. My children are undoubtedly the greatest joy of my life. I love them dearly.
However, being a mother is also by far the biggest challenge of my life. And at times it's difficult. I can honestly say that I try my best, but sometimes the best doesn't seem good enough.
Simon is going through a rough patch at the moment. He is not quite himself and perhaps he will never be as happy and naive and carefree as he once was.
He has become angrier, even aggressive occasionally. Impatient too, quickly losing his temper. At other times he behaves in a forced baby-ish way. And he is naughty, driving us mad sometimes by not listening to us.
Is this all due to the fact that he has got a baby brother? Is this normal behaviour... will it pass? Of course, his life has been turned upside down. He was always the youngest, the smallest and now his place is taken by someone else. All of a sudden he's become the middle child. His change in behaviour is very understandable.
But how do we handle it? Michel and I have spend many hours talking, figuring out the best strategy. We so want to help him to settle into this new situation, but occasionally we feel quite helpless.
Michel tries to spend some more alone time with Simon doing some "manly" things, such as going to the garage or the DIY. We both try to give him as much positive attention as possible, although this is sometimes hard to do. Extra cuddles and kisses are also on the menu and thankfully he is very open to that.
We also try to make sure that we don't push him away from Linus, either physically or verbally. I think this might be the most difficult thing, because he is quite rough when he's around Linus and we don't want him hurting him. He is very fond of his little brother though and most actions towards him are loving; he's just too loud or too rough.
None of this has changed anything about the fact that he is our gorgeous and fantastic boy. He makes us smile all the time. He is sweet and clever. Passionate about his cars, John Deere and strawberries. He'll start school in September and I firmly believe that he will love it there and that it will provide him with a neccessary life of his own. He's ready for it.
As he grows and learns, we grow and learn with him.
sounds to me like he is going through what my little guy is going through. he is trying to transition from toddler and "baby" to big kid. not even a little kid anymore. you guys have the complication of having another babe as well. try to let him find his voice and his place. it seems like this is more violent and aggressive than it was with our girls. they got sassy at this age then it passed. keep your head up sister!
Posted by: heidi | June 23, 2008 at 05:46 PM
Sounds remarkably similar to my little boy - also the middle child in our family, although my youngest is almost 2. Thomas will be starting school in September, and we're hoping some of this behaviour will iron out in the meantime.
Posted by: Liz | June 23, 2008 at 05:56 PM
It sounds to me like you're responding to Simon's behaviour in the very best way. When we had Eliza, Annie became very naughty, while Eliza was still a very new, tiny baby Annie threw the remote control at her. She didn't mean to actually hit her and luckily she missed. I think at that age it's incredibly difficult- if not impossible- for children to understand how they feel themselves, let alone articulate their feelings. I'm sure school will help, in the meantime you have to stick with what you're doing and have faith in the fact that as long as he's sure of your love for him, he'll come through.
And maybe have a little medicinal chocolate and wine to see you through!
Posted by: the pesky bombolino | June 23, 2008 at 09:14 PM
This sounds so familiar! We've been having issues with Alex, also the middle one. It sounds like you are dealing with it well. We've been trying the same things.
Posted by: beki | June 23, 2008 at 09:49 PM
The best piece of parenting advice I ever got was from my midwife (who, with five kids of her own, was quite and expert). She said:
"Just remember, with kids everything always changes. Good or bad, it will be different again in a few weeks."
This single piece of advice has helped me keep my sanity these past 5.5 years. It reminds me to cherish every good moment, adorable milestone, and sweet temper... while giving perspective to those times that are something less than wonderful.
Best wishes during this difficult (but oh so transitory) time.
Posted by: Venecia | June 23, 2008 at 11:23 PM
just give him lots of love. unfortunately this is all part of growing up which is never that easy, but he's lucky, cause he's got you guys for parents!
l
x
Posted by: Levineke | June 24, 2008 at 11:36 AM
Awww, growing pains. I only have two, so I have no advice for the middle child. He's sure a cutie though!
Posted by: Thimbleanna | June 24, 2008 at 04:43 PM
I think the last thing you said was perfect...he is ready for school and to learn a little more away from mommy and daddy (a little time away is good I feel)! Yes, I think this is a issue ALL parents go through. I've noticed through my years (I have a 16 & almost 12 yr. old) that the odd years were the perfect relaxed years and then God has a sense of humor and has to change it up. I've always used positive reinforcement for positive behaviour and not too much attention to the negative acts or it gets worse. He is fine..if he is speaking really well just remember to let him know he can tell you when he is frustrated (and it's o.k.)but behaviour will get a consequence. I always remember (even for myself) if it was too easy than I'm not doing my job ;) I think you are doing just fine and 'this too shall pass' :) your kids are all so beautiful...it's something in the eyes! Love the 'hand' soap!
Posted by: PJ | June 25, 2008 at 05:43 PM
Ach, die tweede foto...ja, ik denk ook dat het middelste kind het in het begin (met een nieuwe baby) het moeilijkst heeft. En blijkbaar is hij toch lief tegen z'n kleine broer, dus moet die frustratie er op een andere manier uit. Ik heb nog een interessant boekje over kinderpsychologie liggen. Niet om alles plat te analyseren of zo,maar ik heb bij het lezen wel een paar keer "o da's interessant" gedacht. Het heet "The Magic Years" van Selma Fraiberg. Affijn, zonder boek komen jullie er ook wel uit ;)en Simon zeker!
Posted by: diana | June 26, 2008 at 12:10 AM
just keep doing what you are doing. showing him love is the best thing you can do. he'll move into a different phase soon. hang in there.
Posted by: Jen b | June 26, 2008 at 07:39 AM