Linus hasn't been himself lately.
He's been grumpy and unhappy. He cries so much. He refuses to go to sleep and will not be left alone. He cries hysterically, but stops when we pick him up. He is not all the child that he was up until a few weeks ago. Quite frankly, we're starting to get a little desperate about it. He's exhausting himself and us. We're worried.
I want to do anything I can to make him happy, but my feeling tells me that soothing him constantly by holding him or nursing him isn't the right way. I feel so helpless and even though this is my third child I'm simply at a loss what to do.
As far as we can tell he's not in pain. He doesn't seem to be teething yet. He doesn't have cramps. He's not hungry. However, he's been a sensitive boy from birth. He's startled easily. He's never enjoyed being put down after being held, but it's totally out of control now. Still, he's developing completely normally. He's smiling, talking, grabbing things, putting everything to his mouth. He likes to sit up straight, he even tries to stand. We have no idea what's making him behave like this and more frustratingly, we have no idea how to make him feel better.
Does any recognise this kind of behaviour? It all started when he was around four months old. Any tips, any clues? I would also be very grateful to hear of any good books on the subject!
By the way, we will go and see our doctor about it just to be certain that there really isn't anything physically wrong with him.
Does he cry only when he's lying down? If that's the case, I think it sounds like an ear-problem... However, if he's not in pain, that doesn't sound right. Perhaps you're just experiencing a severe case of separation anxiety, which would be completely normal. How old is he again? I think separation anxiety typically starts at around 8 months. I do hope you find a solution to make it easier for him as well as you!
Posted by: Astrid | August 26, 2008 at 11:20 PM
Did it start around the time of your holiday? I know that my girls often seemed very unsettled around holiday time.Babies do go through separation anxieties like Astrid said.Mine were usually about 6 months old but it didn't last too long.In a few months you'll be through this.
Posted by: Kristy | August 27, 2008 at 12:04 AM
He's so beautiful! It sounds like that little guy just loves being around his family and doesn't want to be left alone. Good luck and I hope it isn't an ear infection or anything like Astrid said!
Posted by: Thimbleanna | August 27, 2008 at 05:24 AM
Poor Linus and poor you! Annie always hated being put down but it was from birth- my postnatal pals still laugh when they remember me pacing up and down with her at our coffee mornings. It turned out that she had thrush- a kind of white coating in the mouth that's very painful, but I doubt if that's what's going on here. Good luck at the doctors. If it's not anything medical you really need to give yourself permission to put him down and walk away so you don't go crazy!
Posted by: sarah | August 27, 2008 at 09:21 AM
our son was exactly the same - there was nothing physically the matter with him, either. looking back i now know that he was developed mentally a lot earlier than he was physically and this frustrated him a big deal. he wanted to sit before he should have, grab before he couldget his hands coordinated and he wanted to be able to walk when his legs weren't ready yet. basically he craved to be mobile, and once he started walking it got a lot better and seemed a lot happier.
straight after birth he always insisted on being part of the action and in the middle of all the hubbub(he wanted to be put or held where he could SEE). funnily enough he still gets startled easily as well.
i know how you feel, it frustrated me no end as well (and him!), but he did grow out of it, so there's light at the end of the tunnel :) ignoring his pleas didn't help at all, i found, it just made him even angrier, if not to say p****d off!
good luck, i wish you a lot of patience and stregth xxx he's a cutie!
Posted by: barbara | August 27, 2008 at 11:22 AM
The age of four months can be really tough. It was with both of my (twin) boys, and they are very different kids. It's such a transitional time: fussy, needy, and irregular in sleep habits - it was the age that almost drove me over the edge, because my reserves were just gone by then. He may just be a high-needs baby,which is hard on the parents, of course. Do you have a sling? I was never a strict "attachment parent", believe me, but the sling was a godsend with my high-needs baby. One of my boys got much easier at 5 months, the other a bit later, but at 3.5, they're both happy, independent, smart little guys. By the way - I was just in Holland, and I'm curious if you all have the same debates about parenting methods as we drive ourselves crazy with here? I found my dutch upbringing informed my parenting more than I thought it would over the last few years. I tend to focus more on getting enough sleep, early bedtimes, etc, than my American peers, and I am more concerned with politeness, eye contact, etc., as well. I can't be certain whether my assumption that those things are more "dutch" is correct, but I've always felt that way.
Posted by: Emmie (Better Make It A Double) | August 27, 2008 at 09:50 PM
Joshua started to be like that when he was one week old. Nothing could be found, every change of situation, anything new, not known was making him unhappy.
He still clings to me, he breast-fed up until May (no food whatsoever) and we finally stopped in the beginning of July.
It got a lot better (he is growing-up) so it seems, since the end of May, but before that was hard.
We never found out what was or is wrong with him, maybe he just needed this sticking to mom. Next time same situation I would probably press the physical issues more. Have a physical therapist or osteopath have a look at him - anything. I don't know whether a psychologist would work on babies that small, but I would never ever go through this again, without any help.
OK, this is probably not what you want to hear, I just wanted to stress that there probably is someone out there to help you find out what's bothering him if this doesn't stop in a short while.
Good luck and better nerves.
Posted by: Simone | August 27, 2008 at 10:23 PM
personally i think he didn't want to leave france - and who could blame him??!!
i hope things settle down soon. louis was a bit like one of the babies described above - he wasn't happy until he could be right in the action. louis' life got better once he could crawl. fortunately for me that was when he was 6 months old and he was walking by 9 months.
l
x
Posted by: Levineke | August 28, 2008 at 12:12 AM
Well, I think he's too young for separation anxiety. I think they say that hits around 9 months. The only thing I can think of is something in your milk is bothering him. Maybe he is developing an allergy to something or some food is changing the flavor or your milk. I'm probably no help. My babies (knock on wood) were all wonderful and never colicky or cranky. Yes, SIX good babies. (I think that's why I had so many...)
Posted by: Lera | August 28, 2008 at 12:26 AM
Oh friend. I think you have gotten some good advice already, but my last one was the same way. It turns out he just liked the motion and didn't want it to ever stop. So I wore him on my back (and my front and my side) for those fussy times. At three he still will ask for "backpack".
Hang in there.
Posted by: Eren | August 28, 2008 at 08:02 PM